Is it the toxic relationship that keeps you small and unhappy?
Is it the mundane job that keeps you unappreciated and unfulfilled?
And what about the clutter in your mind and your physical environment?
Or the regrets and the pain of the past setbacks?
What are you saying goodbye to this year?
Today’s post is about Clearing The Past. It is one of my must-have coaching processes because without this process most people are still trapped in their emotional prison while others are heavily slowed down by their emotional baggage.
I’m going to share with you the 2 things you can do to clear the past and the 8 HOW techniques that you can do by yourself so you can move forward lightly in your life.
Have you ever felt that you know what you MUST do, SHOULD and NEED to do, but you are not doing it? It was a rational thing to do, the right thing to do, but you just CAN’T, or WON’T do it?
That’s what happens when one is stuck in their emotion. It gets in their way. So if you want to clear the runway to your success, you must clear your emotional blockages.
I remember Cherry, a coaching client of mine, is the envy of her peers. As a senior finance manager in an MNC, she is highly appreciated by her General Manager, she does good work and is loved by her team members.
She looks happy on the surface but no one knows her pain. When she went through a divorce, she carried immense resentments and regrets in her past relationship.
Those emotional baggage stop her from moving forward and feeling happy. Deep inside she knows that she must let go of her anger and sadness that comes with the ugly breakup but she just couldn’t do it, her heart feels heavy.
Not only that, her emotional imbalance was affecting her children. She would often feel triggered when her kids didn’t behave well or did something that reminds her of her ex-husband.
As a result, it soured her relationship with her children and added on to her emotional struggles. When she came to me, she was at her peak of desperation because she was afraid that her emotional imbalance will cause her to lose her children too.
It is normal to feel stuck, unhappy and emotionally imbalance when we go through life setbacks. But when it is sabotaging our relationship and constantly stealing our happiness, it calls for a STOP.
We need to clear our past so we can travel light in our life, so we can make space for an abundance of love, joy, health, wealth to flow into our life easily and effortlessly.
And that’s just one of the many reasons why I love this process. You see, when we were born as a baby, we were that pure, innocent child. We have no fears, no anger, no guilt, no regrets.
We were so pure. But as we grow up, we experienced many life setbacks that gave us emotional scars, and over the years those scars become our baggage.
The more setbacks we experienced in our lifetime, the heavier our emotional baggage becomes. And for some, the baggage is smelly. It is as if we are carrying rotten tomatoes in our heart, can you imagine how smelly, how heavy it can be with every year passing by?
So today, I’d like to share with you some simple strategies that you can do by yourself.
These strategies will pave the way for you to clear your path and kick-start your spring-cleaning, physically and emotionally.
When you do it faithfully, you can feel emotionally lighter and make way for abundance to flow in.
1. DE-CLUTTER YOUR PHYSICAL STATE
Your physical environment influences how you feel emotionally. Your physical environment is a reflection of your inner thoughts.
If internally you feel cluttered in your mind and heart, my guess is, you would probably have a messy physical environment, be it your bedroom, living room, office desk or cabinets.
And even your computer storage will seem messy with uncategorized documents and your mailbox full of redundant emails and junks.
HOW – Discard/Recycle/Breathe
- Summon out your iron-will.
Have an iron-will to discard or recycle those stuff that you haven’t been using for years. The kitchenware, the kids’ toys, the accessories or the clothes that you haven’t been wearing for years, even when you think you may need them ‘ONE DAY’.
- Let go of Scarcity Mindset, Embrace Abundance Mindset.
Trust that when that ‘one day’ comes, you will have something new, you can afford something better and you will always have what you need whenever you need them.
- Breathe in abundance, Breathe out scarcity.
As you clear/let go/delete those stuff you don’t need, imagine vividly in your mind that your emotional baggage disappears with them and as you say goodbye to them, breathe in peace, love, joy, and everything that your heart desire. Breath out scarcity, stress, frustrations. Do this repeatedly for 3 – 5 minutes and notice how you feel differently.
2. DE-CLUTTER YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE
Many things have happened this year. The happy ones, the unhappy ones, the challenging ones.
Often we tend to downplay the happy ones and forget them easily, while we tend to magnify the unhappy ones, the disappointing ones and that contribute to our emotional imbalances.
HOW – Magnify The Happy Events
- What has gone right in your life so far?
List down all of the events/moments/situations that have gone right, that gave you those moments of happiness, triumph, achievements, fulfilment.
If you find it difficult to find the causes of joy, a different way to look at them is to ask yourself “How can it be worst?”.
- You know for the last few years, my health has always been great. I hardly fall sick and I’m used to feeling physically fit and healthy. But in the last quarter of 2019, I had a bad problem with my skin and it cost me months of sleepless nights. That experience was a wake-up call to appreciate my health. It was not a big deal when I have my health. But it was everything that matters when I lost it.
- Constantly playing happy events/moments in your mind.
Have you ever wondered why some people are constantly happy while others are constantly unhappy? It depends on what movie they play in their minds. If they constantly playing the event where they didn’t get that promotion, lose their job, betrayed by their loved ones or bullied by people, etc, over and over and over again, they will constantly be unhappy.
So if you want to be happy, you got to consciously choose to play the right kind of movie in your mind.
When you constantly play the happy events in your mind over and over again, you will constantly feel happy because you are always reminded of how blessed you are.
HOW – Say goodbye to the unhappy events
- Stop playing the unhappy events/moments in your mind.
Yes, you have experienced disappointments, hurt, anger, shame, sadness, regret or guilt. So am I. But if we don’t stop playing the unhappy events in our mind, it will keep us stuck, make us feel worse and slip into depression. Often I hear from my new coachees that they want to stop their mind from going auto-pilot, but they just can’t. It is as if they have lost the power to take charge of their minds. If you feel the same, you can pm me for a personal coaching session. I’ll teach you some strategies so you can take back your power.
- Focus on the present and the future
Direct your mind to focus on thinking about the present and the future. Instead of asking yourself “why does this happens to me”, ask yourself:
– How can this be an opportunity?
– What can I learn from this?
– How can I turn this around?
– What do I want now? What do I want for my future?
- Write a separation letter to your past
Take a few pieces of blank paper and write down everything that you are unhappy about and burn it off. I still remember once where I had a huge conflict with my buddy. We have a very good relationship but we are also equally stubborn. That one conflict, causes me to feel hurt, disappointed and betrayed. I knew I had to face him and talk to resolve it, but the emotional pain was getting in my way. Even though I know what is the right thing to do, I just couldn’t do it. Then I wrote down all of my disappointments, anger, frustrations onto the paper. I literally ‘thrown-up’ onto the paper. It took me 4 pages. After writing, I can feel the pressure in my chest became lighter, as if the suffocation has cleared. I’ve channeled my negative emotions onto the papers. Then I took the papers and burn it off. While it was burning, I visualize all my pain and disappointment disappear into ashes. Thereafter, I feel lighter and I was able to reach out to my buddy and talk. I got out of my emotional blockage and was able to resolve the conflict with openness, courage, and vulnerability.
In summary, I’ve just shared with you some of the simple Clearing The Past strategies that you can start doing by yourself.
If you feel you have a more complicated, heavier or persistent past that refused to go off, feel free to contact me for a personal coaching session and I will help you let it go, once and for all.
As for Cherry, we had worked on clearing her past, released her anger and sadness that was rooted deep in her for years. She has become more conscious of her inappropriate behavioural patterns that’s been sabotaging her relationship with her children.
She has more patience dealing with her children and she no longer shouts at her children when what she really wants is to hug them. She was able to do the right thing and upon experiencing her change, her daughter told her, “Mommy you are so positive. I love you”.
In Authenticity & Courage,
Rainy the Rainmaker
P.S. Knowing what you know now, how can you engage a personal coach so you can achieve your goals faster and easier?
You can contact me at Rainy@growwithrainy.com for a 90 minutes complimentary Discovery session or book your session at https://growwithrainy.com/schedule-your-call-with-rainy/